How to know the will of God in Marriage

By Pastor Shola Ezema

Topic: How to Know the Will of God of in Marriage 

This was a program organised by The Re-builders ( the sister's wing of Chapel of Victory Int'l Churches) on Friday 22nd July, 2022. 

Any sister who didn't make it missed a lot, marriage is not something to be handled with levity if you're truly a child of God that wants the best in your home, the best only comes by marrying right - marrying the will of God.

Read attentively 

Text Genesis 24

Please open your Bible now and read the whole of Genesis 24 before continuing with this write up if you really want to get this message correctly.

The following are steps to be taken in knowing the will of God for your marriage.

1. Choose a believer

2. Trust God

3. Consider character

4. Use wisdom

5. Think ahead

1. Choose a Believer 

Don't choose a husband among the Canaanite men. The Canaanites here does not refer to tribal difference but faith, Abraham instructed the servant not to take a wife for his son among the Canaanite women because they were unbelievers. God does not permit us to mingle with unbelievers when it comes to marriage. Knowing the will of God starts by knowing the man that has approached you for marriage. Is he a child of God? You must need to marry a child of God, not a church goer, not someone that attends service only on Sundays. They might even be bearing godly names like Samson, Emmanuel or even Jesus but they are not Christians. Marry someone that walks in the way of the Lord, someone that fears God. 

And before you can know the will of God, you must need to know God for yourself. You must be born again because the Spirit of God can never lead you astray. You can't know a man that fears God if you don't fear God yourself. When you have the spirit of God He will guide you to know if the person is born again.

2 Corinthians 6: ¹⁴ Don’t team up with those who are unbelievers. How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness? ¹⁵ What harmony can there be between Christ and the devil? How can a believer be a partner with an unbeliever? ¹⁶ And what union can there be between God’s temple and idols? For we are the temple of the living God. As God said:

“I will live in them

    and walk among them.
I will be their God,
    and they will be my people.
¹⁷ Therefore, come out from among unbelievers,
    and separate yourselves from them, says the Lord.
Don’t touch their filthy things,
    and I will welcome you.

You compromise your faith when you marry an unbeliever and you will have a spiritual unrest. When a father-in-law is coming to visit his son's family he comes with some gifts and luggages, when you marry an unbeliever the devil will always come visiting and he wouldn't come without gifts and luggages.

2. Trust God 

Trust God with patient, trust God to lead you aright. If you trust the Lord and not rush, God will let you know His will for your life at the appropriate time. God wants us to trust Him fully. Psa.27:13-14, Isa. 30:15

3. Consider character:

If you want to marry someone of good character, you must be a person with good character first.

As you consider the will of God, you must also consider character. Don't ever neglect the place of character. Does the character show forth the lifestyle of Christ? What character quality does the person have?

How to check character:

Is the person willing to serve God and others? John 13:1-7; Romans 12:16

Is the person sexually pure? Keep yourself specially pure. Rebekah was a virgin, are you keeping yourself pure? You can't use sex to hold a man down. More over, if you have given him what he is supposed to pay for, for free, why would he still want to marry you? The will of God for your life can never say let me test first. If you want the will of God, you must stay away from sexual immorality. The scar of sex before marriage remains forever even if it's the will of God. Romans 13:13-14, Hebrews 13:4

Is the person devoted to Christ? Settle for nothing less than a believer who is spiritually sensitive to the Lord and willing to live for Christ. Be ready to marry someone that is devoted to the Lord. 2 Corin. 6:14, Ephesians 4:17

Check the person's priorities. Is his priority money or the things of this world, is Christ secondary in his life? Does he have a spiritual father? What are the things that are most important to him?

Is he committed to his church, does he serve in his church, what does he do in his church?

Is the person honest and sincere or he twists things up and down?  Proverbs 24:26

Does he have inner beauty? Or is his head always hot and touchy everytime? Is he accountable to someone? 1 Pet. 3:2-5

Is he a responsible person, does he have focus and direction?

4. Use wisdom:

Use wisdom when you are seeking the will of God - not human wisdom but godly wisdom. In using wisdom, you require a lot of prayer and depend on the Holy Spirit even after you must have had your conviction. The moment you know that this is the will of God, go to your pastor first before going to your parents. This will help your pastor to pray along and counsel you alright.

Many people have missed out on the will of God because they attach emotions, marriage is not emotions. After marriage, emotions will disappear completely. It is after marriage that the real test of love comes. Leave emotions when it comes to the things of marriage, be sensitive, be wise. The Spirit of God will always guide you, there is always an alarm peeping if he is not the will of God. 

Watch and pray, don't close your eyes when choosing. Know his friends and the people he moves with. You must marry vision! You must marry purpose!

Think Ahead

You want to marry somebody, you must look at the person as you are praying. How does he relate with his parents and siblings? Who are they and how do they live and relate?

Above all, be prayerful and develop a cordial relationship with God. Choose among the children of God not the Canaanite women.

If you are a brother, use every he as she. It was a sister's program.